Cowboy Bebop: Knockin' Up Faye Once More
by RySenkari
Summary: Reposted after an undeserved deletion It's the nowlegendary parody of the Cowboy Bebop movie! Think of it as the movie, only much, much funnier! Now digitally remastered! not really
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: Cowboy Bebop and all of those crazy characters are owned by somebody other than me. Like, um... Bill Gates or somebody like that. I'm sure he could probably buy Cowboy Bebop. He could buy anything, actually. I envy him.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As you know, the Cowboy Bebop movie takes place in between Sessions 22 and 23. In Funny Sessions, Andy did NOT leave after episode 22. So, that means he'll be playing a prominent role in the movie (since in the Funny Sessions canon, he's still a member of the Bebop crew). So don't be confused by Andy being in the movie.

IMPORTANT NOTE TO STAFF: Only the first small bit of this fic is in script format, designed to parody movie advertisements. I assure you that the lion's share (i.e. everything AFTER the ad parody, or about 96% of the fic) is in paragraph format, adherent to the rules of the site. Thank you for understanding.

---

OBLIGITORY MOVIE ADS

****

You're about to see the movie. But when you're through, you want the whole story, right?

Of course you do.

So right after you see the movie, run out and purchase LiveAction Bebop, 9 live-action shorts by some of Hollywood's hottest directors.

shows a VERY badly-costumed actor playing Spike leaning out of a car and firing his gun

another scene shows a rather fat actor playing Jet punching a dude, the entire thing looking very fake

shows Cameron Diaz as Faye, flashing her breasts, which have a large censor bar over them

****

This ad is censored, but LiveAction Bebop isn't! So run out right after the movie and buy it. Otherwise, you won't know the WHOLE story. Like how Spike got his gun. You want to know that, don't you?

---

****

A game 5 years in the making.

shows an FMV of Spike, shooting at Vincent, who is running away from him

****

This is the true story of Cowboy Bebop: The Movie.

shows an FMV of Andy, riding his horse

****

In the war to save Mars from a deadly virus, what role will YOU play?

Assume the identity of Vincent's long-lost girlfriend Electra, or Jet's best friend Bob as you assist the actual Bebop crew in the fight against Vincent. This is the coolest ing game ever made.

shows a choppy and glitchy piece of gameplay footage showing Electra firing her gun at some cops

****

Of course you can't be Spike, Faye, Jet, Andy, or Edward. You have to unlock the right to play as them (butonlyinacrappyfightingminigamewhereyouneed5controllerstoplay) in an exciting mini-game! But they're in.

shows Andy fighting Jet in the previously mentioned crappy fighting mini-game

****

See? This summer, buy Enter the Bebop, the TRUE story of Cowboy Bebop. Available for the Playstation 2, X-Box, Gamecube, PC, Gameboy Advance, and your Nokia cell-phone. You must buy them all to get the full story.

DISCLAIMER: All versions highly rushed and extremely glitchy.

---

shows Vincent, sitting down at the table in his apartment

****

Vincent: I'm about to end the human race with a deadly virus. However, there is one way to get the vaccine. Well, besides this...

shows Vincent kissing Faye

****

Vincent: But if you're a heterosexual guy, there's another way.

shows a bottle of Powerade

****

Vincent: Drink Powerade. It'll keep you immune and give you the carbs you need to keep up with a tough guy like me. But if you don't like Powerade, there's always another way to get the vaccine...

shows Faye, tied up on the floor and looking very miserable

****

Vincent: So just drink the Powerade. smiles evilly

---

A box of popcorn with eyes, legs, arms, and a mouth walks onto the screen.

Poppy: Hello, I'm Poppy, the movie-theatre mascot! Remember, the concession-stand is always open for your overpriced food needs! Also, there's no smoking allowed in the theatre! Well, that's-

a cellphone rings

Poppy: Oh, and TURN OFF YOUR ING CELLPHONE! Thank you, and enjoy our feature presentation!

---

__

And now, our feature presentation...

---

A sexy-sounding musicbox tune plays. The scene shows a man, playing Chinese checkers with little blue balls. Spike narrates this scene.

"He was always alone, playing with himself. It can be fun to play with yourself, especially when you're alone. But he never had someone to share his fun... how sad."

Aboard the Bebop, Spike was lying on the couch. Jet walks over and shakes him awake.

"Spike, get up!" Jet yelled.

"Unnh... Jet, I was having the most wonderful dream," Spike said groggily.

"Yeah?" Jet asked. "What was it about?"

"I was dreaming about playing with myself," Spike said, smiling. Jet frowned.

"That's sick," Jet said, with a look of disgust on his face.

---

Meanwhile, at a convenience store somewhere on Mars, a robbery was taking place.

"So, anyway," said the leader of the robbers, a middle-aged man standing in front of the counter and holding a gun, "the thing about life is that life is like stew. You got that?"

"Um... I think so," said the very scared looking girl behind the counter.

"Anyway, if you take out the meat, it's not stew, it's just a bunch of yucky vegetables. I don't like yucky vegetables, but I like meat. Meat is good."

"Meat's on aisle seven!" said the girl, who was now extremely scared.

"I wasn't talking about meat, I was talking about stew mix!" said the robber. He pointed his gun at the ceiling and fired it off. Meanwhile, outside, Spike and Jet were just waiting for something like this. They ran toward the entrance of the store.

"Um, sir, you're really confusing me, so could you please take the money and leave?" the woman asked. "Thank you, come again!"

"I could do that," the robber said, "but since you're such a pretty girl, I think I'm just gonna shoot you! Mwahahaha!"

The girl screamed. Suddenly, "Go Go Cactus Man" began to play. The man gasped.

"What the heck's that?" asked one of the robber's accomplices.

"It sounds like... western music!" yelled the other accomplice. "But where could it-"

Before the man could finish his sentence, a large horse leaped through the window of the store, shattering the large glass pane. A man in a samurai outfit was riding on the horse.

"I'm Samurai Andy!" Andy shouted, leaping off the horse and unsheathing his sword. "And I'm here to stop you!"

"Dammit, Andy, this was my bounty!" Spike shouted. "I was about to kick all three of these guy's butts!"

"Hey, don't forget me," Jet said, standing behind one of the robber's accomplices. "I was gonna do this."

Jet turned around and punched the man in the stomach, knocking him out.

"See?" Jet said. "I was about to do that."

"But I'm Samurai Andy, defender of the innocent and protector of little ladies!" Andy said, smiling at the terrified girl behind the counter. She giggled and winked at Andy.

"Oh, hell no, you didn't," Jet said. "No, you didn't. That chick was gonna be MY girlfriend after I beat up these guys."

Jet spun around and punched the robber's second accomplice in the face. He was also knocked out.

"Well, now there's just one more left," Spike said, pointing to the middle-aged robber. "And seeing as how I'm the star of this movie, he's naturally mine."

"No way!" Andy shouted. "As protector of little ladies, I think that I should be able to defeat this fiend. I mean, he's the one that's been harassing this beautiful girl, isn't that right, little lady?"

The girl nodded.

"But I've beaten two of them!" Jet shouted. "So play the percentages and let me take him out! C'mon!"

Spike, Andy, and Jet began arguing about who was going to beat the leader of the robbers.

"This is ridiculous!" the robber shouted. "Why don't you guys just settle this with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

"Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Spike said.

"That's a wonderful idea!" Jet said. "Alright!"

Spike, Jet, and Andy got into a small circle and began playing Rock, Paper, Scissors.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors!" the three shouted. "Rock, Paper, Scissors!"

"And now, I'll just shoot them," the robber said. He pointed his gun at the three men. "Say goodbye!"

"Judo chop!" the girl behind the counter yelled, karate-chopping the man on the shoulder. He passed out and fell to the ground.

"Aww, and I just won, too!" Spike yelled."You cheated anyway," Jet said. "You're supposed to declare rock, paper, or scissors WHEN everybody else does, not a second after!"

"Well, anyway, we did stop these guys," Andy said. "That's the important thing."

Just then, the bathroom door in the back of the store opened, and a man stepped out.

"Oh man, that felt so good," the man yelled, scratching his butt. "I swear, that was the best dump ever."

Suddenly, the man spotted Spike, Jet, and Andy, standing next to the three robbers. He yelped.

"Aaaah!" the man screamed.

"Hey, it's another robber," Spike said. "Okay, since I won the last game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, I get him, got it?"

"But you cheated!" Jet yelled.

"Yeah!" Andy shouted. "Give me a chance, why don't ya?"

The man ran behind an old lady who had been shopping in the store and put a gun to her head.

"Okay, you three clowns. Hands in the air, or the old lady gets it!" the robber shouted. Jet and Andy, being the goody-goodies that they were, immediately put their hands up.

"Don't shoot the old lady!" Andy shouted. "For the love of God, don't shoot the old lady! I'll give you anything you want! I'm rich! See?"

Andy whipped out a wad of 10,000-wulong bills.

"Andy, that's not too smart," Jet said. "Being a cop, I know such things."

Spike pointed his gun at the robber's head.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" the robber yelled. "I'm gonna shoot Grandma if you don't-"

Spike shot the man in the head, killing him instantly. The old lady fell to the ground, unharmed.

"Aaaah! My plastic hip!" the old lady shouted. Okay, MOSTLY unharmed.

"Spike, you stupid doo-doo headed retard!" Andy shouted. "You could have hurt the old lady!"

Andy rushed to the woman's side.

"Are you alright?" Andy asked her. "I hope that my reckless associate's actions didn't-"

"Get away from me, whippersnapper," the woman shouted angrily. "You didn't save my life. That green-haired man did. Give him this."

The woman pulled out a large pack of wintergreen gum from her purse. Andy gasped.

"Gum?" Andy said in disbelief. He began to cry. "I want gum!"

"Oooh, goody," Spike said. "Gum. I love gum. Hey Andy, bring me that gum."

"What are you?" Andy shouted, looking at Spike.

"I am the defender of justice! I am truth! I am light! ALLY TO GOOD, NIGHTMARE TO YOU!" Spike shouted. "Now give me that damn gum before I shoot you too."

---

__

cue opening credits

****

Cowboy Bebop: The Funnierer Session- Knockin' Up Faye Once More

__

Gum or money, mmm, can't decide

I love gum, oh yeah, it's so fly

It's so minty and chewy too

I love gum, I love gum, much more than you

What's good?

What's great?

Spearmint

Wintergreen

Old ladies always have it

So help 'em cross the street, everyone you meet

shouting Yeah, you, cuz they're really nice

Do what'cha gotta do, don't be a fool, just get some gum

Yeah, just get some guuuum

Doo do doo

Just chew some gum

Really good, yeah

Chew some gum....

---

Aboard the Bebop...

"Chess has been around for a long time," Jet said, sitting across from Spike at a chessboard. "It's the game of kings."

"Yeah, well," Spike said, moving his rook. "Your move."

"Spike, you didn't even think about your move!" Jet yelled. "That's not how you play chess! Before every move, you have to think for thirty minutes, or you'll lose!"

"Yeah, well," Spike said, in an annoyed tone. "That's not how I play."

"It's how you have to play!" Jet yelled. "Like that old grandma. You could have killed her."

"Yeah!" Andy shouted, sitting across the room and watching TV. "You suck, Spike."

"I didn't kill her, though," Spike said. "And I got some gum. And I love gum."

"Everybody loves gum," Jet said. "And besides-"

"And BESIDES," Spike said, pointing at the chess clock next to the board. "We're playing speed chess. Your clock's been down for three hours."

Jet groaned. Edward popped up next to the board and moved one of Jet's pieces.

"Ed, his time ran out," Spike said. "He lost."

"Ooooh la la..." Edward said, looking at Jet. "Slowpoke slowpoke poke!"

Edward poked Jet in the eye.

"OW! Dammit!" Jet shouted.

"Oops," Edward said innocently.

---

Meanwhile, above the streets of Mars, Faye was piloting her Redtail in pursuit of a bountyhead.

"My loneliness is killing me," Faye sang in tune with the song on the radio. "I must confess, I still believe! Still believe, when I'm not with you I lose my mind, give me a siiiiiiiiiign, hit me baby one more time!"

"Faye-Faye," Edward said over the Redtail's radio. "You sing pretty!"

"Shut up, Edward," Faye said angrily. "You got the info on this bountyhead?"

"Uh-huh uh-huh suuuuuure dooooo!" Edward chimed. The face of a teenaged boy appeared on the screen. "His name is Leeeee Sampson, and he's a hacker tracker! Go get him, Faye-Faye!"

"I sure will," Faye said. Suddenly, she spotted a tanker truck, cruising toward the road. "Bingo. That's him. But dang, where'd that kid get a driver's license? And HAZMAT certification? And... oh, wait. He stole them. Silly me."

Faye flew off in hot pursuit of the truck. Suddenly, it stopped. An extremely creepy-looking man got out. Faye gasped.

"Oh my God, that's the creepiest looking creep I've ever seen!" Faye shrieked. "That guy REALLY creeps me out. He gives me the creeps."

Then, the man disappeared into thin air. Faye gasped even louder.

"Okay, now I am REALLY freaking creeped out! I've gotta get the heck out of here! I-"

Before Faye could finish her sentence, the truck exploded in a huge, fiery, VERY cool explosion.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Faye screamed. She turned the Redtail around and flew back out into space.

---

****

This is a CNN News Special Report. SO PAY ATTENTION!

A man appeared on the screen with a solemn look on his face.

Dan Rather IV: Hello, I'm Dan Rather, and when I talk in this tone, you know it's something bad where tons of people have died. Yes, now all of you are paying attention. So I'm going to take you live on location to where the really bad thing happened. Riley?

A woman in a hazmat suit stands next to the burning remains of the large tanker truck from earlier.

Riley: Hello, I'm a really hot chick in a hazmat suit. Don't I turn you on?

Dan Rather IV: Honey, please, you can wear that suit all you want when you get home.

Riley: giggles You like it, Dan?

Dan Rather IV: quietly Yes, honey, but I really don't want everyone to know that I have a hazmat suit fetish...

Riley: Oh, shut up, Dan. I'm your wife for God's sake. Anyway, I'm here live in Alba city, where this bigass tanker truck just blew up, killing a whole bunch of people and injuring a whole bunch more.

Dan Rather IV: Was this an accident, or was it terrorism?

Riley: The police say it was an accident right now, but there are rumors that this might be a terrorist attack-

Dan Rather IV: in a solemn, monotone voice Oh God, we're all gonna die.

Riley: The president of Mars has raised the terror alert all the way to light orange-red, meaning that there might be a chance of a threat that terrorists could attack within the next few days.

Dan Rather IV: I'm so scared.

Riley: Me too, Dan...

Dan Rather IV: Don't worry, baby. Come home and I'll hold you all night long.

Riley: Oh, Daaaaan...

"Spike, what do YOU think happened?" Jet asked.

"I don't care," Spike said. "I'm missing Passions because of this crap.

"Well, whoever did this is a horrible, horrible man," Andy said.

"What if it was a woman?" Spike asked.

"How dare you!" Andy shouted. "A woman would NEVER do something like this. They're so pretty and nice!'

"What's up?" Faye asked. She saw the TV. "Oh, Spike! I was so scared!"

Faye ran up to Spike and gave him a big hug.

"I was caught in that explosion," Faye said, tears streaming down her face. "I was so scared..."

"It'll be alright, baby," Spike said, embracing her. "I'll protect you."

Spike and Faye facefaulted.

"So," Faye said, standing up. "I didn't catch that bountyhead."

"Faye, you idiot!" Jet shouted. "That was an easy five million. I'm ashamed of you."

"I was caught in that explosion, okay?" Faye shouted. "I was so scared..."

"Don't be frightened, little lady!" Andy said. "I, Samurai Andy, will protect you!"

"Uh... sure," Faye said, rather annoyed. "Anyway..."

Spike, Jet, Ed, and Ein began to slink away from Faye.

"Keep your nasty anthrax germs away from me!" Spike shouted.

"What?" Faye yelled. "I don't have germs!""Geeeeermy Faye! Germy squirmy Faye!" Ed yelled.

"I don't have germs!" Faye shouted.

"The little lady is right," Andy said. "There's no way she could have germs. I'll kiss her right now and prove-"

"Touch me and die, cowboy," Faye said.

"See?" Jet said. "She's got the germs!"

"I'm a samurai!" Andy yelled indignantly. Onyx neighed.

"Meanwhile, there is a 300 million wulong bounty," Riley said. "If you bring the person in alive, 300 million wulongs are yours."

"Th-th-th-th-th-th-thr-thr-thr-THREE MILLION WULONGS?" Faye stammered. Then, she fainted.

"Welp, that's one down," Spike said. "That 300 million is mine. Go me!"

---

Meanwhile, in a hospital, two detectives were discussing the accident with two doctors.

"These people are coming in and just dying," the first doctor said.

"We're the best hospital in the solar system, and we can't do a thing for them," the second doctor said sadly. "And it's horrible, painful death too."

"How painful?" Detective #1 asked.

"Extremely painful," Doctor #1 said. "They're going like this..."

The doctor began shaking violently.

"Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh!" the doctor shouted as he shook.

"And they're coughing up blood," Doctor #2 said. "Like this."

He punched the first doctor in the stomach.

"Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh!" the first doctor shouted again, this time coughing up blood onto the two detectives.

"That's a real lousy way to go," Detective #2 said.

"They start by just coughing and sneezing, you know?" the second doctor said. "But then it gets worse. And it's VERY contagious."

"I get it," Hoffman said. Suddenly, Detective #2 sneezed.

"Quick! Quarantine him now!" the first doctor shouted. The two doctors shoved Detective #2 into a safe, locked it up with heavy chains, and tossed the safe into a large, locked room with a metal door. They then welded the door shut.

"Uh... he just has allergies," Detective #1 said. "He always sneezes like that."

"Oh," doctor one said. An awkward 5 minute pause.

"I guess we'd better get him outta there, huh?" doctor #2 asked.

---

Back aboard the Bebop...

"I saw this guy!" Faye shouted. "He was the creepiest guy I'd ever seen. He just gave off a creepy vibe and stuff. He was helluva creepy!"

"We get it, Faye," Spike said.

"Faye, did that creepy guy hurt you in any way?" Andy asked in a concerned tone. "Because if he did, I swear I'll-"

"No, he didn't hurt me," Faye said. "I just SAW him. From far away."

"Well, he's dead now," Jet said. "I mean, if he just got out of the tanker, and then it blew up..."

"No, he survived," Faye said. "I know."

"How do you know?" Spike asked.

"Because he's CREEPY, Spike," Faye said. "He makes me shudder and sweat and I'm really creeped out by him. And he lived."

"Well, okay," Jet said.

"So, you think he made the tanker blow up?" Andy asked.

"He could have," Faye said. "But maybe it was that guy I was going after."

"You mean this guy?" Edward asked, pulling up a picture on the screen.

"That's Lee Samson, the bountyhead I was chasing," Faye said. "It... could be him. But he's just a kid!"

"Edward thinks he's kinda cutey cute," Edward said. "Ed has a crush on hiiiiiim!"

"Ed?" Spike said incredulously.

"Um, never mind," Edward said.

"That's not the creep," Faye said. "The creep is creepier than that. Like this."

Faye took out a piece of paper and drew a picture of the man. When she was finished, she screamed.

"Oh God, burn it!" Faye shouted. "Burn it, burn it, burn it!"

Andy glimpsed at the picture.

"Aaaaaaah!" Andy screamed. "He's creepier than the bogeyman even! He IS the bogeyman! BURN IT!"

Spike and Jet looked at the picture.

"Ah, he's not that creepy," Spike said. "I'm going after him."

Spike left the room.

"Oh yeah?" Faye yelled. "Well, I don't care how creepy he is! I'm getting that 300 million bounty!"

Faye stormed out of the room.

"And, uh... I'm going to get him too," Andy said. "For I am Samurai Andy!"

Andy hopped onto Onyx's back and rode out of the room.

"Are yoooooooou going tooooooooo, Jet-person?" Edward asked sweetly.

"Why bother? I'd never catch him," Jet said. "I'm not going to be involved in this much at all. Like always. I'm just going to sit here. Alone."

"Wanna play chess?" Edward asked.

"No," Jet replied.

---

Three old men were sitting at a table, playing cards and thinking back to the good old days.

"Remember the good old days?" the first old man asked. "Back in 2003?"

"I sure do," the second old man asked. "We were in high school, and life was great."

"Remember when Eminem used to sing? He was the best rapper ever," the third old man said.

"No way," the first old man said. "Nelly was better."

"DMX owns them both!" the second old man shouted. "Y'all gonna make me act a pool, up in here!"

"It was fool, you old fool," the first old man said. "And Nelly was much better. Goin' down down baby, yo street in a raincoat..."

"Range Rover!" the third old man shouted. "And Eminem was the best! I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady, all you other Slim Shadies are just irritating..."

"Imitating!" the first and second old men shouted.

"Sorry," the third old man said. "You know what? I'm about to run out of Viagra."

"Remember back when Viagra was first invented?" the first old man said. "And I stole some from my grandpa and we used it and then we picked up hookers?"

"We never did that," the second old man said.

"Those were the days," the third old man said nostalgically.

---

Meanwhile, Spike was talking to a Middle Eastern man named Rashid. The two men walked through a series of streets which were part of Moroccotown. Many Middle Eastern people walked around. Several small booths were open for the purposes of selling assorted trinkets.

"Now, being Islamic, you must know all about terrorism," Spike said.

"I will pretend you did not say that, my friend," Rashid said.

"I'm sorry," Spike said.

"You know what? I can't pretend you didn't say that," Rashid said angrily. "That was the most offensive, prejudiced statement I've ever heard in my life."

"I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Spike shouted.

"You are forgiven, my friend," Rashid said, calming down. "Now, let me tell you about beans."

"Are you trying to sell me drugs?" Spike asked.

"Yes, my friend," Rashid said. He walked Spike over to a small kiosk filled with hundreds of assorted trinkets, and many different beans. "See this bean?"

Rashid held one up.

"It's called Viagra," Rashid said. "It makes you horny."

"I see," Spike said. "I'll take three."

"No, no, no," Rashid said. "That's not the point I was trying to make. I was trying to tell you that terrorism is everywhere."

"You're confusing me," Spike said. "I just want to buy some Viagra."

"Oh, I'm afraid you can't do that, my friend," Rashid said.

"But it's here! For sale!" Spike shouted.

"Come, my friend," Rashid said, grabbing Spike by the arm and dragging him into a small store. "This is the pot store."

"I'll take thirty pounds," Spike said.

"Even if I meant that kind of pot, which I don't, you don't have enough money to buy thirty pounds of pot," Rashid said.

"I sure do," Spike said, holding up a large wad of cash.

"Wow," Rashid said, rather amazed. He handed Spike a large bag of pot and took the money. "But I came here to show you something else, my friend."

Rashid held up a large vase.

"That's a vase, not a pot," Spike said.

"Shut up and take the stupid vase," Rashid said. "Within its vasiness you will find everything you are looking for, my friend."

Rashid handed Spike the vase, so that now, Spike was holding the large bag of pot AND the vase.

"Uh... a little help?" Spike asked. "I can't carry-"

Rashid pushed Spike out the door and shut it behind him. Spike collapsed onto the ground, the weight of the pot and the vase proving to be too much for him. Meanwhile, a woman, wearing a veil, walked up to him. She pointed her finger and laughed.

"Ha ha!" the woman shouted.

---

Meanwhile, in a big truck driving down the road, Lee was sitting in the passenger seat, playing a Gameboy Advance. Vincent was sitting next to him, driving the truck.

"This is my kinda game!" Lee shouted. "Take your DVDs and your holographs and your 12,000 exobit capabilities and shove them up your arse! This is the real deal, man!"

Vincent ignored Lee, a large frown on his face.

"I mean, Virtual Sex Fighter is nice when you're hooked up to a big hologram simulator, but give me Mario Kart anyday! And look, I'm in third! This game is really tough!"

"I don't care," Vincent growled. "Shut up. And put on some headphones. That game is loud. It bothers me."

"Aw, you're no fun," Lee pouted.

---

Meanwhile, at a drive-in movie theatre....

"This is my kinda movie!" Jet shouted. "Take your DVDs and your holographs and your $100,000,000,000,000 special effects and shove them up your ass! This is the real deal, man!"

Bob ignored Jet, a large smile on his face.

"I mean, 32 Fast 32 Furious is nice when you're watching it from inside a big hologram simulator, but give me The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly anyday! And look, they can actually act! This movie is really good!"  
  
"Jet, are we gonna save the world, or not?" Bob asked.

"No, I'd rather watch old movies," Jet said.

"You said it!" Bob shouted.

---

Meanwhile, outside a really dark and scary warehouse...

"Vincent, I think you're really freaking crazy, man," said the man standing outside the warehouse. "I mean, you give me the creeps."

"I do that to a lot of people," Vincent said.

"He does," Lee said. "Well, except for me. I'm blissfully unaware that this guy is a sick, sadistic, homicidal maniac who's going to end up killing me in a horrible way by the end of the movie."

"Fair enough," the man said.

"When you die, you're going to Hell," Vincent said, pointing at the man. "I'm going to Purgatory. So there."

"Where am I going?" Lee asked.

"I dunno," Vincent said. "And I don't care."

"I hope I go to Magical Video Game Land when I die," Lee said. "That's where Sporky Dorky lives!"

"Vincent, why the hell do you hang out with that dork?" the man asked.

Vincent didn't say a word. He took out a small knife and stabbed the man in the chest.

"Ha ha!" Lee shouted.

---

****

BIGSHOT- The Show For Bounty Hunters

Paunch: Oh boy, hombres, this is a huge bounty!

Judy: Oh, I know! I know!

Paunch: If you can find the person responsible for that tanker explosion, you get... 300 million wulongs!Judy: It's the second biggest bounty ever! The biggest one was awarded to Faye Valentine for catching Osama Bin Laden!

Paunch: Think Osama's behind this latest terrorist attack?

Judy: But Osama's dead.

Paunch: What about his ghost?

Judy: Oooh, ghosts are scary!

Paunch: I know!

Judy: Hold me...

"Osama's ghost?" Faye asked. "Osama's ghost?"

"I killed Osama," Andy said. "I killed him with a ball!"

"Shut up, Andy," Faye said.

"Faye-Faye, looky looky what Ed found!" Ed shouted. "It's the creepy guy datacase!"

Faye looked at the screen. She screamed.

"BURN IT!" Faye shrieked. "So many creepy guys!"

Edward giggled."Faye-Faye is scaredy kitty," Edward said.

"Whatever," Faye groaned. She looked at the pictures of the creepy people. "Oooh, there's Michael Jackson. Hey, wait, he was in my hot guy dream."

"Michael Jackson is Wacko Jacko," Edward said, shaking her head.

"Well, it's not him," Faye said. She gasped. "It's that guy! He's the creepy one!"

Faye pointed to the picture of a man with scraggly black hair.

"He had a mustache when I saw him... and a beard... but it's the same guy!" Faye shouted.

"That's Vincent Volaju," Jet said, looking at him. "He's dead."

"What?" Faye shouted.

"Oooh, he's a zooooooombie!" Edward shouted.

"No wonder I thought he was creepy," Faye said. "But there's no such thing as zombies!"

"How do you know?" Andy asked. "This guy creeps me out the more I see him..."

"I thought you guys left," Jet said.

"We came back, idiot," Faye said angrily.

"I just went out to get one of those new McRibs," Andy said. "Available for a limited time!"

Suddenly, the door opened. Spike walked in, straining to carry a large vase and the 30-pound bag of pot.

"Spike!" Faye shouted.

Spike set down the vase and the pot, then collapsed onto the stairs. Faye ran to him.

"Spike, are you okay? Spike!" Faye shouted in a concerned tone before facefaulting next to the vase. Edward ran over to the vase and hopped inside. Meanwhile, Andy ran over and looked at the bag of pot.

"Spike, this is thirty pounds of marijuana!" Andy shouted. Jet ran over and grabbed the bag of pot.

"I'm uh... confiscating this. Because I'm a cop and I can!" Jet shouted. He ran off with the bag of pot and ducked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

"I raided your piggy bank," Spike said. "That's how I could afford it."

"You WHAT?" Andy shouted.

Spike stood up.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Spike asked.

"I'm gonna do this!" Andy yelled. He rushed at Spike and threw a punch at him. Spike dodged the punch and kicked at Andy's head.

"Men," Faye groaned, walking over to Edward. "Anyway, I'm going to try and catch this Vincent guy. I think he's the only person creepy enough to kill those people like he did."

Edward hopped out of the vase.

"Be careful, Faye-Faye!" Edward yelled as Faye left.

"I'll be fine," Faye said, turning her head toward Edward. "It's not like I'm going to find the guy, pass out, wake up with my arms and legs tied, and get my shirt cut open or anything."

Faye left. As she did, Spike and Andy, having finished their fight, fell to the ground, their faces covered in cuts and bruises.

"You... jerk..." Andy panted.

"Doodoo... head..." Spike breathed, barely able to stay conscious.

"Oooh, guys, Ed found something in the vase!" Ed yelled, holding up a small blue marble. "Guys guys guys, look look look!"

---

Meanwhile, at the arcade, Lee was shooting at a holographic screen.

"I'm gonna win!" Lee shouted. "I'm just a few hundred points away from seeing Sporky Dorky! Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Just then, Faye walked up to Lee seductively.

"Hey there," Faye said, smiling. "What'cha up to?"

"DON'T BOTHER ME!" Lee shouted in an extremely angry tone. "I'm about to see Sporky Dorky!"

"Oh yeah?" Faye asked. "Wouldn't you rather see... these?"

Faye opened up her vest, exposing her bare breasts to Lee. Lee turned around and looked at them.

"Oh my God!" Lee shouted. "Those have to be the biggest boobs I've ever seen in my entire-"

"GAME OVER. GAME OVER." said a computer-sounding voice coming from the game. Lee gasped.

"No!" Lee shouted. "I... I lost!"

"Aww, too bad," Faye said, closing her shirt.

"I didn't... get to see... Sporky Dorky!" Lee shouted. "You... you..."

"You got to see my boobs," Faye said. She took out her gun and pointed it at Lee's head. "Now, hands above your head!"

"You made me... angry," Lee said, growling. "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

"Yeah, well... anyway... hands above your head!" Faye shouted. "I'll shoot you."

Lee's eyes narrowed. His muscles began to bulge up. He began growling animalistically.

"I... wanted to see... SPORKY DORKY!" Lee shouted. His skin turned green, and his muscles got even bigger, bursting and tearing his close.

"Uh... oh..." Faye gulped. Lee had turned into... The Incredible Hulk!

__

Set me free

Set me free

'Cause I really gotta pee

I wanted to see Sporky Dorky!!!

Set me free

Set me free

I'm so angry I can't see

Set me free

SET ME FREEEEEEE!

As the hard rock song played in the background, the Hulk chased Faye through the arcade. Miraculously, Faye escaped, running out into the street as the Hulk destroyed the arcade.

"At least I didn't piss off Spiderman," Faye said, leaning up against a nearby building and panting heavily.

---

Meanwhile, aboard the Bebop, Ed and Jet were studying the marble on their handy-dandy Electron Microscope... OF SCIENCE!

"What is it, Ed?" Jet asked.

"Well... it's a lymphocyte," Edward said.

"Like in the blood?" Jet asked.

"I'm not finished," Edward said. "It's a cytolympholymphocyteolymphoctyealymphocytolymphocyteacytolymphocytolympho cytolympholymphocyteolymphoctyealymphocytolymphocyteacytolymphocytolympho cytolympholymphocyteolymphoctyealymphocytolymphocyteacytolymphocytolymphocyte!"

"That was an Ed-aria, Ed," Jet said. "And it confused the hell outta me."

"This will confuse Jet-person even more!" Edward said. "Looky looky!"

Jet looked into the microscope. The normal lymphocyte moved like a normal lymphocyte would, while the lymphocyte in the blue marble stood up and gave Jet the finger.

"What are you lookin' at, punk?" the lymphocyte yelled. "Yeah, that's right, punk! You better be scared! You better be scared, punk!"

"That lymphocyte was really rude," Jet said.

"Uh-huh," Edward said. "Rude with attitude!"

"What's it mean?" Jet asked."Ed will find out!" Ed shouted. She skipped over to the door and exited the room.

"Now I'm alone," Jet said. "I think I'll go play with myself."

Ein barked.

"Don't look, you mangy mutt," Jet said.

---

Meanwhile, in the Cherious Medical building, two dudes and a really hot chick were talking about things that could affect the whole wide world. So they'd better do a damn good job!

"Sir, I think it's Vincent doing this stuff," said the first man to the second, official-looking one.

"It couldn't be Vincent," said the woman, whom we'll call Electra. "Vincent's a good guy!"

"I'm going to believe the Vincent Is Evil theory," said the second man. "Electra, you've got to check this thing out."

"But I'm telling you-"

"You wanna get pimpslapped?" the second man asked.

"No," Electra sighed. "I'll go..."

---  
  
Elsewhere in the building, at the entrance...

"This'll be easy," Spike said, walking up to a metal detector guarded by two security guards. He walked through the metal detector. It beeped.

"You'll have to open your trenchcoat, sir," the first security guard said, pointing to the trenchcoat Spike was wearing. Spike opened it up, revealing a large mop.

"Holy smokes!" the second guard yelled. Before he could react, Spike took out the mop and smacked the guard with it, knocking him out. He spun around and hit the other guard with the mop, taking him out as well. Techno music began playing.

"Oh geez, I really didn't want this," Spike sighed. More guards rushed into the room, shooting at Spike. Spike leapt over their bullets and onto the wall. He walked up the wall, onto the ceiling, then dropped down in front of two guards and knocked them out with the mop. More guards shot at him. Doing fancy, slow-motion cartwheels to dodge the bullets, he got up and swung his mop at three more guards, hitting them all in the face and knocking them out as well. Another guard ran at Spike. Spike leapt up in slow-motion and kicked him in the face, then spun around as the camera rotated around him, Matrix-style, and smashed yet another guard in the face with the mop. Having knocked out all the guards, Spike casually entered the elevator and headed up to the top floor.

---

Meanwhile, in an alley elsewhere in the city...

"I can't find Vincent anywhere, Onyx," Andy said, riding his horse down a busy street. "And people are looking at us."

Onyx neighed.

"You're right, Onyx. I must press on! For I am Samurai Andy!"

Suddenly, Andy heard screaming noises coming from an alley.

"Cries for help! C'mon, Onyx, let's save the day again!"

Emitting a loud, samurai-like yell, Andy rode Onyx toward the alley.

---

Meanwhile, back at Cherious Medical...

"This place is guarded like crazy," Spike said. "I've had to knock out like, a hundred guys with this mop."

Electra, walking down the hall, spotted Spike. She approached him.

"Who are you?" Electra asked.

"I am the defender of justice! I am truth! I am light! ALLY TO GOOD, NIGHTMARE TO YOU!" Spike shouted.

"Oh," Electra said. "Well, I'm gonna have to take you in."

The techno music started again. Spike took out his mop and swung it at Electra. Electra ducked under the mop and punched Spike in the face. Spike staggered back.

"Wow, a woman that can actually go toe-to-toe with me," Spike said. "I like getting beaten up by woman."

"You some kind of a masochist or something?" Electra asked, dodging a kick from Spike.

"Well, if that's what you're into..." Spike said. Electra growled and launched a flurry of punches and kicks at Spike, which Spike parried by holding up the mop. He chucked the mop at Electra, hitting her in the forehead and knocking her over. Then, he ran off.

"After him!" Electra shouted. Two guards appeared next to her. Electra and the guards chased Spike through the building.

"I'm at a dead end!" Spike shouted, backed up against a large window by Electra and the guards.

"You can't escape!" Electra shouted. "Finally, The Rock HAS COME BACK... oh, wait, I'm completely confused."

"Ha!" Spike shouted. "Now I'm gonna do this!"

Spike crashed through the window and fell into a dump truck below. Electra gasped.

"How'd he do that?" Electra yelled. "Well, if he can do that, I can do it too!"

Electra leaped through the window... and landed on the street below, making an Electra-shaped hole in the ground.

"Ouch," Electra groaned.

---

Meanwhile, in the alley, the girl from the convenience store was in trouble yet again.

"Aaah!" the girl screamed, surrounded by four tough-looking guys.

"Hey, what do we do with her?" the first tough-looking guy said.

"Let's rob her!" the second guy shouted.

"Let's rape her!" the third guy shouted.

"Let's kill her!" the fourth guy shouted.

"No, no, no, I've got a better idea in mind!" the first guy said. He took out a TV and a Nintendo 64. "Let's force her to play Superman 64!'

"Yeah!" the other three guys cheered.

"Not Superman 64!" the girl shrieked, trembling in fear. "Anything but that!"

Suddenly, "Go Go Cactus Man" began to play.

"Wha?" the first tough guy muttered. "What's that?"

Onyx galloped into the alley. Samurai Andy hopped off of his horse and drew his sword.

"You fiends leave that little lady alone!" Andy shouted. "For I am Samurai Andy! I shall put an end to your evil ways! Ayiyiyiyiyi!"

"My hero!" the girl said joyfully.

"Oh yeah?" the first tough guy said. "Well, we're going to... run! Aaaah!"

The four tough guys ran off.

"Are you okay, little lady?" Andy asked the girl.

"I am," the girl said. "Thanks to you!"

"Well, I must be going now," Andy said. "Do you need a ride back to your home?"

"No," the girl said. "But, um... there's something I always wanted to do."

"What's that?" Andy asked.

---

A few minutes later...

Andy, dressed in a Spiderman costume and mask, hung upside down from a crane. A busted fire hydrant sprayed water into the alley to make it look like it was raining.

"Okay!" Andy said. "All set up!"

The girl walked over to Andy, pulled down his mask so that his lips were exposed, and gave him a long, wet, sexy kiss. Then, she pulled the mask back up. Andy hopped off of the crane onto Onyx and rode off, still dressed in the Spiderman costume.

"Now I know how Mary Jane feels! Yay!" the girl said happily. "Thank you, Samurai Andy!"

---

Meanwhile, in the street, the Hulk was wreaking havoc. Andy rode up to him, still dressed in the Spiderman costume. He gasped.

"That guy's huge!" Andy shouted. "I'll stop him!"

Andy hopped off of his horse and ran at the Hulk. Meanwhile, innocent bystanders began to look on in amazement.

"Oh my God!" yelled a teenage boy. "Spiderman is fighting the Hulk!"

A fat man with a brown ponytail gasped, dropping the box of donuts he was carrying.

"Spiderman is fighting the Hulk?" the man shouted. "Best. Movie. Ever."

Andy threw a punch at the Hulk, but the Hulk swatted him away, causing him to smash into a nearby building.

"See, I told you the Hulk could beat Spiderman," said a boy standing next to a slightly smaller girl, apparently his little sister. "You're stupid."

Andy ran at the Hulk again. The Hulk swatted at Andy, but Andy ducked between the Hulk's legs and got up behind him. He unsheathed his sword and stabbed it into the Hulk's back. The Hulk roared in pain.

"Spiderman doesn't have a sword!" the fat man shouted angrily. "Worst. Movie. Ever."

The Hulk collapsed to the ground and began to shrink. The sword fell out of him, and the Hulk completely detransformed, back into Lee Samson.

"I won!" Andy shouted, removing his Spiderman mask and costume. "Who's the man? Andy's the man!"

"Oh, it's just two costumed losers," said the teenaged boy. "You guys suck!"

Lee got up and looked at Andy.

"You!" Lee shouted. "You're a bounty hunter!'

"Eh?" Andy said.

"Well, um... take this!"

Lee snapped his fingers, causing all of the computer monitors in the area to go bonkers. Then, he ran off.

"I'm a samurai," Andy said. "Not a bounty hunter... hey wait, wasn't that someone important? Oh well."

---

"You saw Lee?" Faye shouted.

"Well, yeah," Andy said. "I beat him, too. It was really cool-"

"YOU STUPID STINKY COWBOY!" Faye yelled, kicking Andy in the groin. "Why didn't you grab him?"

"Ungh..." Andy groaned, lying on the ground in pain. "I'm a samurai...."

"Faye-Faye, don't be mad!" Edward said happily. "We found something cooly cool!"

"That blue marble thing is a lymphocyte impersonator," Jet said. "Evidently, this virus thing is being caused by tiny, rude little nanomachines."

"Really?" Faye said.

"Yeah, it gave me the finger," Jet said.

"Wow..." Faye said in disbelief. "That's really interesting, Jet."

"I saw the most beautiful woman in the whole world," Spike said. "And she's as tough as me."

"She's not more beautiful than me!" Faye yelled. "Not like I'd EVER love you, Spike. You're even worse than Andy."

"Well, anyway..." Jet said, looking at the ship's computer. "I think that we'd better just find this Samson guy and make him tell us everything."

"Yeah, well, we would have had him if Andy hadn't been such a STUPID STINKY COW... SAMURAI! WHATEVER!" Faye screamed.

"Look!" Edward shouted, pointing at the screen. "Someone's sending us a super-duper hidden message!"

__

Trick or treat

Smell my feet

Gimme something good to eat

If you don't

I don't care

I'll yank down your underwear

"That's rude," Faye said. "If anybody ever yanks down my underwear, I'll kill them."

"Well, what does it mean?" Jet asked.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Faye said. She walked out of the room.

"Edward will help, Faye-Faye!" Ed shouted, following Faye.

"What are you gonna do, Spike?" Jet asked.

"Kick Andy while he's down, of course," Spike said, kicking Andy as he writhed on the floor in pain. "It's fun."

"Argh!" Andy screamed.

---

Ed strolled down the streets of Mars, looking for Lee. Ein followed her.

"Gonna find him, gonna mind him, gonna wind him!" Edward sang, dancing down the street.

__

You know my daddy got mad when he was 5

And he walked right out the door

Then he followed in the steps of his old man

And he bought himself a whore

And so when I was 13 I tried to find

A little bit of oil

So I started diggin'

You can't get rich quick when you're just cold and lonely

All you can afford is some baloney

That old prospector who sold me those tools

Just made an ass out of me

Out of me

Edward walked up to the first door she saw and knocked on it. A white-haired old man wearing a red sweater stepped outside.

"Hello, Mister Man!" Edward said. "Are yooooou Lee?"

"Don't call me Mister Man!" the man shouted, extremely irate. "You will call me Mr. Knight or Coach Knight! Not Mister Man!"

Bobby Knight IV reached out to choke Edward, but Edward ran off before he could.

"Whew, that guy was scary..." Edward said. "Next dooooooor!"

Edward strolled up to the second door and knocked on it. A woman stepped outside.

"Hello, little boy!" the woman said. "I'm Pamela Anderson IV! Want some of these?"

The woman held her breasts up to Edward. Edward gasped.

"You look like Faye-Faye, only, um... you're not Faye-Faye!" Edward yelled. "And Edward is a girl!"

"Oh!" Pamela Anderson IV said. "Well, you're not getting my boobs! They're mine!"She slammed the door in Edward's face.

"Oooh la la..." Edward said quietly. Suddenly, she spotted Lee, running into a nearby building. Edward jumped up and down.

"Leeeeeeee! Ed seeeeeeeeees Leeeeeee!" Edward yelled jubilantly. She whipped out a cell phone, dialed up Faye, and yelled into the reciever. "ED SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES LEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Great!" Faye said. "Just stay there, okay?"

"Okay!" Edward said. She hung up. "La la la..."

Suddenly, a group of children ran by.

"Wanna go to Willy Wonka's factory?" the first child asked. "Because... I've got a golden ticket!"

"I've got a golden ticket!" Edward sang. "I've got a golden chance to make my day! I've got a golden ticket, it's a golden day!"

Edward and Ein followed the kids toward Willy Wonka's factory, the magical land of delicious candy. Just as the children went out of sight, Faye flew up to the building in her Redtail.

"Darn it!" Faye shouted. "Edward...."

Faye sighed.

"Oh well, I'll eventually find Lee. It's in the plot!"

---

Meanwhile, inside Vincent's creepy apartment...

"Vincent, what'cha doin?" Lee asked.

"I'm playing with myself," Vincent said. "See, it says here, if you leave one marble, you're a genius. If you leave two, you're purdy smart. If you leave three, you're just plain dumb. And if you leave four, you're just plain egg-nor-a-moose!"

"Looks like you're just plain egg-nor-a-moose," Lee said, noticing the four marbles left on the board. "Too bad."

"You know what's too bad?" Vincent asked. "I can't play with myself with you watching."

Vincent picked up one of the marbles and crunched it in his hand, then tossed it in Lee's face.

"Hey, just because you're just plain egg-nor-a-moose doesn't mean you have to get snippy about it," Lee said. "I mean-"

Suddenly, Lee began to sneeze and cough.

"Who's egg-nor-a-moose NOW, punk?" Vincent shouted. "Mwahahahaha!"

---

Faye burst into the apartment. She took out her gun and snuck around quietly.

"I'm going to get those 300 million wulongs!" Faye shouted. "Nobody can stop me now!"

Just then, Lee stumbled out in front of Faye.

"Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh!" Lee shouted. "Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh!"

Lee collapsed to the ground. Faye ran over to him and slapped a pair of handcuffs on his wrists.

"Ha!" Faye shouted. "I caught Samson!"

Faye did the dance of victory in the middle of the room. She turned to Lee again.

"Now you'll never get to see Sporky Dorky," Faye said. "Too bad.

Lee didn't move or speak.

"Hey now, you don't have to be like that," Faye said, kneeling down close to him. "Look, you're a kid, so you'll probably get out in a few years..."

Faye gasped.

"Oh my God, they've killed Lee! You bast-" Faye yelled before she began to cough violently. She stumbled around and bumped into Vincent.

"Hey," Vincent said.

Faye gasped.

"You...." Faye said, coughing and sputtering. "You.... you killed... you..."

Faye pointed her gun at Vincent and shot at him, but missed, hitting him in the hand. Vincent smiled. Faye collapsed to the floor.

"Now I have someone to play with," Vincent said. He licked up the blood from his hand, covering his lips with it.

__

"Oh, great, he's going to do something creepy," Faye thought. Vincent leaned over and kissed Faye hard on the lips. She passed out in his arms.

"Now I have my very own love slave!" Vincent shouted. "Muhahahaha! Muhahahahahaha! Muhahahahahahahahahaha!"

Vincent sighed.

"I wish I had a cute, hairless little cat to stroke evilly," Vincent said. "And I wish I was bald. And I had a grey suit. And.... well, at least I have Faye. Muhahahahahaha! Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

INTERMISSION

---

Well, that's it, folks! We're halfway through the movie, so grab some snacks, go to the bathroom, play the Sporky Dorky game in the lobby... and come back next Saturday when I'll write the second half of Cowboy Bebop: The Funnierer Session- Knocking Up Faye Once More!


	2. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: Cowboy Bebop and all of those crazy characters are owned by somebody other than me. Like, um... Bill Gates or somebody like that. I'm sure he could probably buy Cowboy Bebop. He could buy anything, actually. I envy him.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As you know, the Cowboy Bebop movie takes place in between Sessions 22 and 23. In Funny Sessions, Andy did NOT leave after episode 22. So, that means he'll be playing a prominent role in the movie (since in the Funny Sessions canon, he's still a member of the Bebop crew). So don't be confused by Andy being in the movie.

---

Review Thanks- (Time to thank all of my reviewers!)

Fleur-de-Lis: Thank you! You're... in love with me? How nice! I dunno, though. You're 18, I'm (almost) 16... I don't think it would work out. But you're really sweet! And I have read **"Teh Wurst Cowboy Beebop Fanfiction EVAR"**... it's not bad! I'm that good, eh? Thank you!

Kendra Luehr: Different and funny? Thank you! And nighty night, LOL...

Magnum375: Welp, that time is now! (For the second half I mean.) Thanks for reading!

Jen: Yeah, I knew somebody would like that Comic Book Guy. Best. Cameo. Ever. Hee... thanks!

The Review Guy: Yes, I played Superman 64 for a very, very short time, and it was as bad as they said. Very horrible game. That girl from the convenience store was cute, that's why I had Andy save her so much! Thankuu!

Tangerinekidd32: Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh-guh.... hee, thanks! And Spike watching Passions was completely random of me. Glad you enjoyed it!

Mossygirl: Thank you! Glad I could make ya laugh!

TeaRoses: Thanks for reading! And that's what I tried ta do, make the title funny! Hee, I love Ed... I wish more people were like her! BTW, I read your profile, and you're probably the oldest person to read one of my stories. I actually feel honored having an adult enjoy my writing so much! (Since I haven't shown these to either of my parents... ;;;)

Katers: hugs Thank you! And happy birthday! I told ya I'd be back, didn't I tell ya? Hope ya had fun in NYC (the greatest city in the world!) I love song parodies and I love making them! And I've downloaded the whole movie track... Cosmic Dare rules. Anyway, yep, Spike does watch Passions! Well, in my story anyway. And I love watching voice actor documentaries... Melissa Fahn and Ed have like, the exact same voice! How cute! So anyway, thanks again for reading and liking this so much! Have a nice day!

Phobia: The Very Secret Diaries? I think I need to read those! But thanks for saying I'm almost as good as those, hee... and I did enjoy that Rashid scene quite a bit. Rashid definitely rules! Thanks for reviewing!

NessacusGirl: hugs Thank you a bunchnesh for reviewing... ya had quite a bit of trouble putting it up, I shouldn't have made ya go through all that! Thankuu muchness though! And goooooo Samurai Andy! Andy is like the quintessential "save-the-girl" character. I'm serious! Spike doesn't like girlies enough to fill that role but Andy's the ultimate hero! Hee, Andy going psh at Jet... and yep, Spike does watch Passions! I miss Timmy too, poor little dude... moment of silence Yay, Ed has a crush on Samson! I mean, they ARE both hackers after all, hee! And bad bad Spike! And cute Edward! gives Ed a hug Anyway, thanky kuu for reviewing!

Spiffy: This is why maybe you should have a bedpan or something nearby when reading my stories... or go to the bathroom first. Or something like that, I dunno. But thanks for reviewing! You love me too? Oh wow, wow... um... ;;;

IluvRikku12: Hee, thanks! When ya posted that everybody IMd me at once and it was funnynesh. Hee... but thanks for your praise! See ya on AIM!

Sailor V: The best? Thank you! And I will keep it up! See, I'm writing right now!

---

****

The intermission is over. Get back to your ing seats right now!

---

After having beaten on Andy for ten straight minutes, Spike sat down at the couch to watch TV while Andy ran to the infirmary to nurse his wounds.

"Well, I missed Passions, but if I'm lucky, I can still catch One Life To Live!" Spike said. "That Mitch is a real prick."

Just then, the small phone on a table next to the couch rang. Spike picked it up.

"Hello?" Spike answered. "Oh, it's you, the Mayor. You want me to save the day again? But... but One Life To Live is on!"

Spike sighed.

"Alright, alright, get onboard the monorail, Vincent's there, yada yada yada," Spike said. "You old bastard."

"Spike, wouldn't it be better if you hung up the phone BEFORE you insult the guy on the other end?" Jet answered.

"Hey, when _you're_ a Powerpuff Girl, you can hang up whenever you like," Spike said. "But until then, don't talk."

Spike hung up the phone and ran out the door. Just then, Andy stumbled into the room.

"Icy-Hot is NOT a lubricant," Andy said matter-of-factly.

"Eh?" Jet said.

---

Meanwhile, out in the city, Electra was driving down the road in her $50,000 Hummer. Yeah, I know she didn't have a Hummer in the movie. But c'mon, she's a hot chick!

"Yeah, stompin-in-my-Air Force Ones," Electra sang. "Stompin' in my Air Force Ones..."

Just then, a yellow light appeared in the sky, with a black silhouette of Electra in the middle. Electra gasped.

"It's the Electra Signal!" Electra shouted. "I'm on my way!"

Electra did an illegal u-turn with the Hummer and sped off toward the monorail.

---

Spike ran as fast as he could toward the monorail, a large train precariously dangling in the air.

"Damn, I would not want to ride that thing everyday..." Spike said. "I mean, it's like the subway, only it's hanging in midair. That would scare the hell out of me. But a cowboy's gotta do what a cowboy's gotta do!"

With a super-high leap, Spike jumped through the window of the monorail and landed in the aisle. Electra, already sitting in one of the seats, gave him a dirty look.

"You're late," Electra said. "And besides, this is my job. I'm catching Vincent."

"Hell no," Spike said. "Vincent's mine. And if you don't like it, you can kiss my-"

"Hey, do you mind?" Vincent shouted from the back of the train. He was facing away from Spike and Electra, and his hands appeared to be down near his lap. "I'm playing with myself."

"Oh, that's nasty!" Electra shouted. "In public?"

"That's like that Pee-Wee Herman guy," Spike said. "I used to respect him, and then the cops arrested him for doing that in public. Vincent, you are one sick puppy."

Spike walked up to Vincent and spun him around, revealing that Vincent had only been playing his marble game.

"See?" Vincent said. "You made me spill my marbles. That's very rude."

"Eww...." Spike said, holding his nose. "You smell like blood."

"Oh yeah, that," Vincent said. "Well, you see, the thing about that is... I've been killing people..... d'oh!"

Electra got up and ran at Vincent, pointing her gun at him.

"Reach for the sky!" Electra shouted.

"Hey, that's my line!" Spike yelled. He punched Vincent hard in the face, causing him to fall back into the wall.

"Eat this!" Vincent shouted, rubbing his hand in Spike's face.

"What was that?" Spike asked.

"Well, I've been playing with myself, and I just rubbed my hand in your face," Vincent said. "Isn't that nasty?"

"Really?" Spike said. He began wiping his face with his sleeve. "You're sick, man!"

Vincent used the distraction to run past Spike and Electra into the other car, being careful to shoot all of the innocent bystanders as he ran just to prove what an evil bastard he was. Spike and Electra followed Vincent into the next car, pushing and pulling at each other as they did.

"He's mine!" Spike shouted.

"No, I want him!" Electra yelled. "You jerk!"

Spike pushed Electra down and ran into the next car. He took out his gun and pointed it at Vincent. Vincent pointed his gun at Spike.

"It's an old-fashioned stand-off, Vincent," Spike said. "So what'cha gonna do, little buckaroo?"

"Shoot me," Vincent said. "I dare you."

"I double dare YOU to shoot ME," Spike said.

"I triple dare YOU to shoot me," Vincent said. Just then, Electra walked into the room.

"Juveniles," Electra groaned, shaking her head in disgust.

"I triple double dipple nipple dare you to shoot ME," Spike said.

"Oh yeah? Well, I invoke the power of the super-duper paratrooper infinity sudden death dare of the Apocolypse to dare you to shoot me!" Vincent shouted. "So there."

"You suck," Spike said. He shot at Vincent, but Vincent dodged easily. Spike ran at Vincent and punched him hard in the face, knocking him to the ground. He dove to the ground and grabbed Vincent by the collar.

"Damn," Vincent said.

"Ha ha, got you!" Spike shouted. "What now?"

"I can't BELIEVE you guys!" Electra yelled. "You're acting like complete juveniles! You're embarrassing yourselves AND me in front of all of these people, and I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm taking both of you bad boys home right now."

Spike began to cry.

"Sorry, mommy..." Spike sniffled. "I promise to be good..."

Vincent saw his chance. He grabbed Spike's nipple and twisted it as hard as he could.

"Purple-nurple!" Vincent shouted. Spike screamed in pain.

"Aaaaaaaaah!" Spike screamed. "That really, really hurts!"

Vincent got up and shot Spike in the chest. Spike passed out.

"That was low and dirty, Vincent," Electra said.

"I know," Vincent said, smiling. He picked up Spike's unconscious form and tossed him out of the monorail. Spike fell until he splashed down in the river below. "Well, now that he's taken care of... I can do this!"

Vincent took out one of his marbles and threw it to the ground, sending up a huge cloud of deadly nanomachine virus dust. Everyone still alive on the monorail breathed it in and died horrible, horrible deaths, leaving Electra and Vincent alone in the train. Since both of the pilots were dead, the monorail crashed and fell into the river. Electra fell to the ground, hurt from the impact.

"Darn you, Vincent..." Electra stammered.

"Looks like I win this round!" Vincent shouted, backing up toward the door of the monorail. "I'd finish you off, but I've got to get back to my love slave. She's about to wake up!"

Vincent leapt out of the monorail and disappeared.

"I'll get you next time, Vincent!" Electra shouted, shaking her fist. "Next tiiiiiiime!"

---

Spike floated out in limbo, dark and alone. Well, mostly alone. He had bumped into Jimmy Hoffa a few minutes ago. After that, he bumped into Jet.

"Spike," Jet said. "You lost."

"I know, I know..." Spike groaned. "Jet, what are you doing here?"

"I dunno," Jet said. "But you'd better wake up."

"Unnh.... five more minutes," Spike groaned.

"NOW!" Jet shouted.

---

Spike, heavily bandaged from his fight with Vincent, woke up next to a campfire, set up right in the middle of the city park. An Indian mystic and a wolf were sitting across from him. Spike screamed.

"Aaaah! A wolf!" Spike shouted. "Don't let him eat me.... please?"

"Oh, that's just Wolfie," the mystic said. "He only bites white men."

"But I am a white man," Spike said. "Aaaaaah! He's gonna eat me!"

"Nah, it's okay," the mystic said. "He only bites white men who have broken treaties with our people."

"Oh," Spike replied. "Wait, why am I here?"

"Well, your friend Jet paid me a great deal of money to give you an inspirational pep talk," the mystic said. "Long, long ago, there was a great warrior."

"I see," Spike replied."And this warrior was the greatest warrior in all the land. But one day, this warrior fought a vicious enemy. He fought valiantly, but he still lost."

"That's sad...." Spike said.

"But when he recovered, he trained long and hard to-"

Spike began snickering.

"What's so funny?" the mystic asked.

"You said long... and hard," Spike said, still snickering. "Heh heh. Heh heh."

"Look, you. Your buddy is paying me 100,000 wulongs an hour to talk to you, so it's his money you're wasting by making this harder!" the mystic shouted. "Anyway, he trained, and he trained, until finally, he was stronger than he had ever been. He went back and faced the enemy... and do you know what happened?"

"No," Spike said. "What happened?"

"He lost again," the mystic said. "And this time, the enemy finished the job. The moral of this story... no matter how hard you train, the enemy will always be stronger. Remember that."

"What was that?" Spike yelled. "You're supposed to inspire me!"  
  
Spike began shivering.

"Now I'm scared to die..." Spike said, with a hint of fear in his voice. "You're not doing a very good job."

"Yeah, well, for 100,000 wulongs an hour, what do you expect?" the mystic asked. "You get what you pay for."

"I'm going back to sleep..." Spike said. He flopped down onto the ground and fell asleep. The mystic's wolf began to lick his face.

"No, don't eat him," the mystic said. "The longer he sleeps, the more we can charge his friend."

---

"Spike, wake up!" Jet shouted. Spike sat up again.

"Where are we?" Spike asked.

"The park, you retard," Jet replied. "Spike, you did something really stupid trying to take Vincent on. He is one tough hombre."

"Is that all?" Spike asked.

"Spike, I order you never to play with Vincent again," Jet said. "You are grounded, mister!"

Spike had fallen asleep.

"Now I'm making it two weeks," Jet said.

---

Back at Cherious Medical...

"Electra, you did something really stupid," said the old-looking official man sitting behind a desk. "You went out and played with that Vincent fellow."

"I told her not to do it, but she wouldn't listen!" yelled the younger man. "And she called me a penishead."

"Is this true?" the older-looking man asked.

"He's a liar, sir," Electra said. "And Vincent had to be stopped!"

"I don't care," the older man said. "Electra, you are grounded."

"Ha ha!" the younger man shouted, pointing and laughing at Electra.

---

Meanwhile, at the police station....

"We have been getting lots of calls from people saying that cops are useless," the police chief said. "And it's you two's fault!"

"I am so sorry," Detective #1 said. "But it's all my associate's fault, sir. He keeps sneezing and getting locked up in safes."

"If everyone wasn't so paranoid about my allergies, it wouldn't happen!" Detective #2 shouted.

"Well, anyway, we've got a lead on who we think might be doing all this bad stuff," the chief said. He pulled up a picture of Lee Samson on a computer screen.

"Uh, why is there a big read "DECEASED" stamp over his picture?" Detective #1 asked.

"I think it's a tattoo," the police chief said. "Anyway..."

"No, I really think that guy is dead," Detective #2 said. "Why would the-"

"Look!" the police chief shouted. "He's not dead, he's the leader of the terrorist group, and you two are incompetent! Go get him!"

"Fine," Detective #1 said. "Let's go, #2."

"Okay," Detective #2 said. Suddenly, he began coughing and sneezing. "Uh-guh-guh-buh-guh-buh-guh!"

"Quick, quarantine him!" the chief shouted. "He's got the virus!"

"Just allergies, sir," Detective #2 said. "Uh-guh-buh. Guh-buh. Guh. Whew, there, it stopped."

---

Back aboard the Bebop...

"You... got beat?" Andy shouted. "This is a glorious day!"

"Shut up, Andy," Spike said, lying on a couch and heavily bandaged. "It's not like you'd be able to beat him."

"Au contraire!" Andy shouted. "I can beat anyone, for I am... Cowboy Andy! Plus, the law of Pwnage states that-"

"The law of Pwnage?" Jet asked.

"Be quiet," Andy replied. "The Law of Pwnage states that if A B and B C, then A C! And since B is Vincent and C is Spike, if I pwn Vincent then I pwn Spike as well, making me better than him!"

"Even Edward doesn't know what you're talking about," Edward said. "And Ed talks weird all the time!"

Edward clung to Spike's injured leg. Spike moved it up and down, trying to shake her off.

"Edward, stop..." Spike groaned.

"Okay, Spike-dude!" Edward shouted, leaping off of Spike and crawling over to her computer.

"Anyway, I'm going to go pwn Vincent now," Andy said. "See you, space cowboys! Mwahaha!"

Andy hopped onto Onyx's back and rode out of the Bebop.

"He's going to die," Spike said. "This is the best day of my entire life!"

"La la la," Edward sang. "Ed will sing a solo song! La la la... this is the song that never ends... yes it goes on and on, my friends!"

"Oh no," Jet said, shaking his head as Edward typed and sang.

"Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was... but they'll just keep on singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends..."

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ED, FIND SOMETHING!" Spike shouted. He clutched his injured manboob. "ARGH! That purple-nurple still hurts!"

"Ed will sing something else," Edward said. "About circles! La la la... circles are pretty..."

"Miss Pac-Man is sexy," Jet said. "She's like, almost a circle, right? She can munch my Power Pellets anyday..."

"Jet, that's sick," Spike said.

"Found it!" Edward shouted. "Ed found the ultimate secret!"

Jet looked at the screen. He turned anyway in disgust.

"Ed, that's a pornographic website!" Jet shouted. Ed looked at the screen.

"Ewwwwwwwwww!" Ed shouted. "Icky-picky pop-up banners!"

Edward clicked to close the pop-up. Another pop-up opened.

"Spikey, look! Edward can win an X-Box!" Ed shouted. "Victory for Edward!"

"Ed, that's another pop-up!" Jet shouted. Edward clicked to close it... and three more pop-ups appeared it its place.

"Aaaaaaaah!" Edward shouted. "Pop-up INVASION! Swookie..."

More and more pop-ups appeared. Finally, the number of pop-ups grew too high. Edward's computer crashed.

"Nooooooo!" Edward screeched. "All that hard work! Nooooo!"

"I'm going to find Rashid," Spike said, standing up. "He doesn't have pop-ups. Unless he gets a pimple or something."

Spike began to walk toward the door.

"Wait, Spike!" Jet shouted. "You're grounded!"

"Oh, hush up, old man," Spike said. "You're harshing my groove."

Spike walked out the door.

"Edward found it again!" Edward shouted. "Macadamia nuts!"

"Spike just left, Edward," Jet said. "And.... ooh, click here to receive free Barney videos for a month? I am SO there."

---

Meanwhile, at Cherious Medical...

"I'm grounded, Steve," Electra said, handing the white-coated lab researcher a small test-tube.

"What did you do this time?" Steve asked.

"Harris said I called him a penishead," Electra said. "But I know he's just a big fat liar."

"Aww.... that really sucks," Steve said. "Anything I can do to cheer you up?"

"Find out what's in that blood sample," Electra said. "That'll make me really happy."

"Happy enough to have sex with me?" Steve asked. He immediately slapped his forehead. "Oops, that was stupid. Stupid Steve! Stupid stupid..."

"Well, okay," Electra said. "See, I have this weird feeling that the world's going to end, and I really don't want to die a virgin. Let's do it on Halloween night, okay? I'll wear that witch costume you think is sooooo sexy."

Electra left.

"THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Steve shouted. "Well, behind that day when I did really good on that arcade game and saw Sporky Dorky. That was awesome."

---

Meanwhile, at Vincent's apartment...

Faye woke up, and immediately found that her hands were tied behind her back, and her legs were also tied.

"Oh geez, I hope Ed doesn't find out about this.... I'll never live it down, after I told her this wouldn't happen," Faye groaned. "Wait a minute... I'm lying on a shag carpet!"

Faye looked around. Vincent's apartment had been turned into a makeshift "shag pad" straight out of Austin Powers, with lava lamps, love pillows, psychedelic lighting, and of course, a pink shag carpet. Vincent walked up to her.

"Hey, baby. How do you like my looooooooove pad?" Vincent asked.

"Why hadn't that dumb virus of yours killed me?" Faye asked.

"Oh, I put it in you," Vincent said.  
  
"WHAT?" Faye shouted. Vincent waved his arms.

"No, no, not that, baby! Well, yet, anyway. I just gave you some of my blood!" Vincent said. "It's got the vaccine in it. Groovy, huh?"

"Kidnapping me and tying me up is not groovy," Faye said. "Kinky and erotic, maybe. But not groovy. Wait... you're the creepy guy. AAAAAAAAAAAH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

---

Spike wandered around the Middle Eastern district, looking for Rashid.

"He sure is elusive," Spike said, sitting on the steps of a large building and lighting up a cigarette. Just then, Rashid walked up to Spike.

"Did you like the vase?" Rashid asked.

"No, it's tacky and it's too big and Ed's playing in it too much," Spike said. "I liked the pot more. Well, if Jet hadn't stolen it."

"You're having a rough day, my friend," Rashid said.

Rashid and Spike looked out on the big city skyline.

"Man, looking at all those big buildings makes me want to take an airplane-" Rashid said before stopping himself and turning to Spike. "What brings you back here? Looking for more drugs, my friend?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" Spike asked. Rashid handed Spike a bottle of pills.

"I read you like a book, my friend. Do you also want to know about my good friend, Doctor Kavorkian IV?" Rashid asked.

"Not really," Spike said. "But I'm bored as hell. Tell me anyway."

"Well, Doctor Kavorkian liked to help people kill themselves," Rashid said. "But he got lazy. So he invented these little nanomachines that people could take and use to kill their own selves completely without his help. But it got out of control, my friend."

"I see," Spike said.

"Want me to tell you all about Vincent now?" Rashid asked.

"Yeah..." Spike said. "How do you do those purple-nurples? That really hurt."

---

"Why are you trying to kill all of these people?" Faye asked. "What did they ever do to-"

"Hey, baby, let's not talk about boring stuff like this," Vincent said. "Let's just shag, baby!"

"But I'm talking to you," Faye said. "You're being very rude!"

"Oh, come on, baby!" Vincent shouted. "I've got all sorts of fun toys!"

Vincent held up a pump.

"See, baby?" Vincent asked. "Not like I need it, but it's groovy! See, you hook it up like this..."

__

"I used to think this guy was creepy," Faye thought. _"Now I just know he's insane. I'm a lot less scared now!"_

---

"Vincent went to war on Titan," Rashid said. "There, they did weird experiments on him. And I think the soldiers in the barracks raped him a couple of times."

"Is that why his mind is so messed up?" Spike asked.

"No, that's not it!" Rashid said. "I'll tell you the real reason Vincent is so messed up. Would you like to hear a song, my friend?"

"Not particularly..."

---

Andy rode his horse through the streets of the Martian city, looking for Vincent.

"All I have to do is beat Vincent, and I can prove that I'm tougher than Spike!" Andy declared. "Now, where is that guy?"

"Psst!" yelled a voice from the alley. "Wanna hear a tip?"

"A tip?" Andy asked. "About Vincent?"

"Yeah!" the voice shouted. "C'mon!"

Onyx galloped into the alley. Andy hopped off his horse and gazed into the shadows.

"Where are you?" Andy asked. "I need that tip!"

A tall, dark figure stepped out of the shadows.

"It's.... it's you!" Andy said. "You're the greatest samurai of all! You're my hero!"

"That's nice to hear, that it is," Kenshin said. "Now, about that tip..."

---

"The pump broke," Faye said. "Ha ha!"

"Shut up," Vincent said, pulling his pants back up. "This was really embarrassing!"

"Well, you shouldn't try to mess with things you don't understand," Faye said.

"Judgement Day is coming soon," Vincent said. "I'm going to kill everyone!"

"Really?" Faye asked.

"Well, except for you," Vincent said. "We're going to procreate and repopulate the world.

"Those are going to be some ugly-looking kids," Faye said. "I mean, I'm pretty hot, but you're really ugly. It would never work out."

"Shut up," Vincent said. "Let's shag, baby!"

---

Rashid climbed to the top of the steps.

"I want to tell you the reason for all of the bad stuff in the world!" Rashid shouted. "And it's a little country called... America!"

"Really?" Spike asked. "Is that why Vincent's so messed up?"

"That's right," Rashid said. He began to sing.

__

Oh, there's a little place

That's bad to you and me

A country that is drenched

In immorality!

Their TV shows have violence

And their movies have the sex

They push the world around

So we'll push them straight to heck!

BLAME AMERICA!  
  
BLAME AMERICA!

With their prettiful blond hair

And revealing underwear!

BLAME AMERICA!  
  
BLAME AMERICA!

The country that is bullying the world!

They censor all their anime

And baby all their kids

But at night all of the adults

Love to watch the porno vids

Their double standard's bad

And their economy is worse

They say "f-you" in prime-time

But they won't let Goku curse!  
  
BLAME AMERICA!

BLAME AMERICA!

They-

Spike punched Rashid in the stomach.

"Sorry, but I really hate it when people sing," Spike said. Rashid recovered.

"It's okay, my friend," Rashid said. "Have a nice day!"

Spike began to walk down the steps. Suddenly, a group of army men surrounded him.

"You're under arrest for terrorism," one of the army men said. "That Blame America song."

"But Rashid was singing it, not me!" Spike shouted. He turned around and Rashid was gone. "D'oh!"

---

Meanwhile, at Cherious Medical, Electra was preparing to exit the building and find Vincent. Suddenly, the group of army men surrounded her.

"You're under arrest," the army man said. "You're supposed to be grounded and you started to leave."

"Oh geez, I'm a grown woman!" Electra shouted in frustration.

"Now now," the army man said. "Keep that up and you'll go to bed without supper."

---

"Kenshin!" Andy said. "You're like, my hero!"

"You must be careful, that you must," Kenshin said. "Vincent is dangerous, that he is."

"I know, but I have to beat him to prove I'm better than Spike!" Andy said. "You understand, right?"

"I understand, that I do," Kenshin said. "You are clearly determined, that you are."

"Thank you, Kenshin," Andy said.

"Faye is being held captive at Vincent's apartment, that she is," Kenshin said. "Only you can rescue her, that you can."

"Faye's in danger?" Andy shouted. "I must rescue her, for I am... Samurai Andy!"

Andy hopped on Onyx's back.

"Thank you!" Andy shouted as he rode off.

"You're welcome, that you are," Kenshin said. "I'd better get my money for this cameo, that I'd better."

---

"Ed, you know what I need?" Jet asked.

"What's that?" Edward replied, playing a game on her computer.

"I need some chairs with straps. That way, I can keep everyone from leaving," Jet said. "THEY'RE JUST LIKE CHILDREN! I PUNISH AND PUNISH BUT THEY JUST DON'T LISTEN!"  
  
"You could send them to boot camp!" Edward shouted. "Boot camp boot cramp!"

"You're right!" Jet said. He picked up the phone. "I'm calling Raymond Moses."

---

Meanwhile, in jail...

"Blame America... Blame America..." Spike sang. "Darn it, I can't get that tune out of my head. Stupid Rashid."

"Spike, is that you?" Electra asked. "It's all your fault I didn't catch Vincent!"

"Nah, it's your fault I didn't catch Vincent," Spike said. "I had him down, and then you said something and distracted me and he purple-nurpled me."

"Let's just agree to disagree," Electra said. "If we don't get out of here, we're going to be killed, Spike."

"Killed?" Spike shrieked. "But I'm scared to die!"

"Wow, what happened to you?" Electra asked. "You used to be a carefree badass."

"Vincent happened," Spike said, curled up into a ball on the floor. "He's a big meanie!"

"Oh, him," Electra said. "He used to be my boyfriend, you know."

"Really?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, but then he turned into a complete bully," Electra said. "He kept talking about destroying the world and giving people purple-nurples. That's why I broke up with him."

"Oh," Spike said.

"Anyway, he's got the vaccine for the virus. So do I," Electra said. "That makes us special."

"Oh, shut up," Spike grumbled. "I used to love a girl too. Her name was Julia."

"What happened?" Electra asked.

"This guy named Vicious said he was going to beat me up if I hung out with her anymore," Spike said. "So I left."

"I've figured it out," Electra said. "You're not scared of dying, you're just scared of getting beaten up!"

"That's ridiculous, I've gotten beaten up lots of times," Spike said.

"Oh.... well, that's too bad," Electra said. "You see, I'm scared of getting beaten up too, and if we shared the same fear, then I thought..."

"You'd give me a kiss?" Spike asked. "Oh, well then... I am scared of getting beaten up! Yeah, that's it!"

"Really?" Electra asked.

"No, I'm not," Spike said. "I'm not scared of anything. Except death. It's lurking around every-"

Spike shrieked and pointed at the wall of his prison cell.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEATH!" Spike screamed.

"Oh geez.... get me outta here," Electra sighed.

---

"Wanna shag, baby?" Vincent asked.

"For the fifty-eighth time, NO," Faye said. "And this time, I mean it."

"Okay," Vincent said. "Looks like I'm just gonna have to kill the world then."

"You do that," Faye said. "I don't care."

"I mean it!" Vincent shouted. "I'm gonna kill the world if we don't shag."

"Fine with me," Faye said.

"You know, I think you're using reverse psychology with me," Vincent said. "You WANT to shag, but you're just playing hard-to-get."

"No, I really don't," Faye said.

"I'm gonna kill the world!" Vincent shouted. "You SURE you don't want to shag with me?"

"I'm sure, Vincent," Faye said. "You're insane. Now leave me alone."

Vincent knelt down next to Faye and took out a knife.

"I'm not scared of your stupid knife," Faye said. Vincent cut Faye's vest open.

"See your vest?" Vincent asked. "That's going to be the whole world if we don't shag."

"You're going to cut the world open with that knife?" Faye asked. "It's a pretty big world, you know."

Vincent pointed his knife at Faye's neck.

"Okay, I'm done with this stuff. Either we shag, or-"

"Go Go Cactus Man" began to play.

"Wha?" Vincent said, standing up.

"See, you're in BIG trouble now, Vincent," Faye said. _"Andy, you freaking idiot. You're going to get us both killed."_

Just then, Andy burst through the door of the room. He unsheathed his samurai sword and pointed it at Vincent.

"Okay, you... evil-doer!" Andy shouted. "You let Faye go right now, that you'd better!"

Vincent began to laugh.

"Mwahahaha!" Vincent cackled. "Who do you think you are? Kenshin?"

"Well, no, but I'm the next best thing!" Andy shouted. "I'm Samurai Andy! And..."

Andy gasped.

"You're really creepy!" Andy shrieked.

"No, he's just insane," Faye said. "Nothing to fear."

"Really?" Andy said. "Whew!"Andy ran at Vincent and swung the sword at his head. Vincent parried with his tiny little knife.

"Ha ha!" Andy shouted. "My sword's bigger than yours. I bet you have sword envy right about now, don't you?"

"Not really," Vincent said. "It's not the size of your sword, it's how you wield it that counts!"

"Oh," Andy said. "You've got me beat there..."

"Purple nurple!" Vincent shouted. He reached over and twisted Andy's nipple.

"Argh!" Andy screamed, staggering back. "That really hurt!"

Vincent rushed at Andy and swung his knife at Andy's chest. Andy leaped back easily and slashed at Vincent, cutting him across the leg. Vincent stumbled back. Andy leaped up and kicked Vincent in the head, knocking him to the ground.

"Yes!" Andy shouted. Vincent got back up and threw a punch, missing Andy by a mile. Andy grabbed Vincent by the wrist and threw him to the ground.

"Damn samurai!" Vincent shouted, lying on the ground in pain. Andy began to do the dance of victory.

__

"Andy's actually beating him," Faye thought. _"Is this a dream? Nope, it can't be a dream. It's definitely a nightmare."_

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Go me! Go me!" Andy shouted. "Oh yeah! Oh-"

Andy began to cough. Vincent stood up.

"The virus is all over this room," Vincent said. "Now it's starting to take effect!"

Vincent punched Andy hard in the face, knocking him back. Andy continued to cough and sneeze.

"Darn you..." Andy coughed. "That's not fair!"

Vincent kicked Andy in the chest. Andy staggered back.

"Ugh..." Andy groaned, falling to one knee. Vincent kicked Andy in the head, knocking him flat on his face.

"So, samurai..." Vincent said, smiling. "Got any last words?"

"Uh-guh-buh-guh-guh-buh-buh-guh!" Andy shouted, convulsing on the ground from the effects of the virus. Vincent stuck his knife in Andy's back.

"ANDY! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Faye screamed. "I mean, not like I like him or anything. I don't! But still... ANDY, NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Mwahaha!" Vincent shouted. "And now, I shall go off to end the world. When I come back, we're gonna shag!"

Vincent set a tape recorder down on the floor and pressed Play. R.E.M.s "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" began to play. Vincent put on a scary warlock costume and walked out the door.

---

Meanwhile, back at Cherious Medical....

"We've got to escape," Electra said. "You with me, or not?"

"Will it involve dying?" Spike asked. "Because I'm scared of that."

"No," Electra asked. "Staying here will involve dying."

"Oh," Spike yelled. "WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"

Spike ripped off the door of his cell and began to leave.

"Hey, what about me?" Electra asked.

"Oh yeah," Spike said. "Hold on."

Spike ran off to the other room and knocked out several guards. He walked back in, holding a key in one hand and the man who had gotten Electra in trouble in the first place in the other.

"Why do you need a key?" Electra asked. "Couldn't you just-"

"No time," Spike said, ripping the door to Electra's cell off its hinges. "Oh yeah, I could have done that. I _didn't _need this dumb key. Oh yeah, and you're going to apologize to Electra for being a poopyhead."

"Penishead," Electra said, correcting Spike.

"Whatever," Spike said. Electra walked up, knocked out the man, and ran off with Spike.

---

Meanwhile, back at the police station...

"You done yet?" Detective #1 asked a slow, incompetent worker sitting at a computer.

"No," the worker said.

"We're just going to go to the sewer then," Detective #1 asked. "C'mon!"

The two detectives left.

"Hey, if you get the Ninja Turtles' autographs, then.... crap, they're gone," the worker sighed.

---

At Cherious Medical yet AGAIN...

"Here's the vaccine," Steve said. "Now, about Halloween night..."

"Sorry, Steve," Electra said. "Now that we have this, the world SO isn't going to end. So screw you."

Electra and Spike left with the vaccine.

---

Meanwhile, at the sewer...

"Man, these scene changes are REALLY tiring me out," Detective #2 said. "Can't they just pick one set of characters and stick with them?"

"No," said a sewer worker.

"Well, anyway, somebody's poisoned the water hole," Detective #1 said. "Or they're going to. And you have to do what I say because there's twelve cops with me!"

Twelve cops ran in and pointed guns at all the sewer workers.

"Oh yeah?" the sewer worker said. "You can't push us around!"

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme played. The four ninja turtles burst into the room and were immediately killed by the cops.

"Okay, fine," the sewer worker said. "It's yours."

The two detectives walked up to an extremely complex control console.

"I can't do this," Detective #2 said. "Uh-guh-buh-buh-guh-guh-buh!"

---

Back at Vincent's shag pad...

"This is bad," Faye said, lying on the floor and still tied up. "I'd better get free before some sick pervert comes in and takes pictures for his bondage-themed website or something."

"Too late!" yelled a man peeking through a window and holding up a camera. He snapped several pictures of Faye and ran off.

"DAMMIT!" Faye shouted. She squirmed over to Andy, pulled the knife out of his back, and cut herself free. "Too bad about Andy, though..."

"Unnh... Faye..." Andy said weakly. Faye walked over and knelt down next to his face.

"You're still alive?" Faye said, looking at him. "Wow..."

"Faye.... you've got to help me..." Andy gasped. "I'm dying..."

"You should be dead already," Faye said. "Well, fine."

Faye took the knife and made a small cut in her arm. She held it up to Andy's face.

"Drink some of this and you should be fine," Faye said. "It's the vaccine."

"That's disgusting!" Andy shouted. "I'm not drinking your blood! Who do you think I am, some kind of sick vampire freak or something? I-"

Faye stuck her arm in Andy's mouth, then pulled it out. Andy stood up.

"Wow, I feel a whole lot better," Andy said. "But still, that was really gross..."

"I saved your butt, Andy," Faye said. "But you'd still better get that wound in your back checked."

"No way!" Andy shouted. "Now that I have the vaccine, I'm going to defeat Vincent! For I am... Samurai Andy! But first, I'm going to hug you for saving my life."

Andy hugged Faye, then ran out the door.

"HEY!" Faye shouted. "I said you could drink my blood, I didn't say you could hug me! COME BACK HERE, YOU STUPID STINKY SAMURAI!"

Faye ran off.

---

Meanwhile, back aboard the Bebop...

"Can Edward get back on the Internet now?" Ed asked.

"No, Ed," Jet said. "I'm still waiting for my phone call."

"You've been waiting for an hour!" Edward shouted. "Grrr...."

The phone rang. Jet picked it up.

"It's Faye," Jet said. "What? I sit here worrying about you, and you go off to some S&M place? I can't believe this crap! You get your butt back here right now, because you are grounded, little missy!"  
  
Spike and Electra entered the room.

"You're grounded too, Spike! And you... whoever you are, you're grounded! And Ed, you're grounded too! You're all grounded!"

---

Back in the sewers...

"You found what we're looking for yet?" Detective #1 asked.

"What are we looking for anyway, sir?" asked a SWAT team member.

"We're looking for a pumpkin," Detective #2 asked. "So I can make pumpkin pie! I love-"

Detective #1 growled.

"This pumpkin's filled with the virus," Detective #1 said. "We're trying to save the-"

"Here it is!" Detective #2 said, picking up a jack-o-lantern. "This looks really good..."

"It's a balloon, retard," Detective #1 said. "A balloon? What the f-"

---

And again, back aboard the Bebop...

"So, where did Faye-Faye go?" Edward asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Faye groaned. "Andy's off looking for Vincent. I think he's crazy."

"I see," Jet said, helping Electra stack bottles and bottles of blood. "What's this? You guys going as vampires this year?"

"It's the vaccine," Electra said. "Want some?"

"No thank you," Jet said. "I'll stick to Gatorade, thank you."

"Oooh, Faye-Faye, ooh la la!" Edward said, looking at her computer. Faye leaned over Edward's shoulder.

"What are you.... DAMMIT!" Faye shouted, angrily realizing that the pictures of her tied up had already made it onto the internet and had accumulated over 600,000 hits. "Edward, stop looking at that!"

"But you said you weren't gonna get captured this time, Faye-Faye," Edward said. "Faye-Faye's wrong! Faye-Faye's wrong!"

Faye shrieked and ran out of the room.

"She's mad at Andy, I bet," Spike said. "I don't blame her. I really love that woman."

Spike facefaulted.

---

Meanwhile, in the sewers...

"So... this balloon is the key to the door that opens the passage to the end of the world?" Detective #2 asked. "Pretty serious stuff if you asked me."

"What's IN the balloon is the question," Detective #1 said.

"So doing this..." Detective #2 said, picking up a needle, "would be pretty stupid, huh?'

Detective #2 popped the balloon. Detective #1 began shouting.

"YOU IDIOT!" Detective #1 yelled. "YOU JUST KILLED US, YOU FREAKING RETARD! I-"

"The only thing in that balloon was air," a sewer worker said. "We've been duped."

Detective #1 breathed a sigh of relief. Detective #2 began convulsing.

---

Meanwhile, aboard the Bebop, Spike, Faye, Jet, and Electra were sitting inside a locker room.

"I only came back because I left my wallet here," Faye said. "I'm still mad."

"If we want to win, we've got to be hungry to win!" Spike said. "I'll go take care of Vincent."

"You idiot," Faye said. "You'll get yourself killed."

"Nah, don't worry," Spike said. "I'm not scared to die anymore. Electra taught me that life is about as precious as a plugged nickel. Thank you, Electra."

Electra smiled at Spike. Then, she facefaulted.

"Faye, you're going to go and force the people at the weather control center to make it rain," Spike said. "Got that?"

"I wanted to kill Andy," Faye said. "I'm so mad at him for hugging me."

"Too bad," Spike said. "Jet, you're going to go and get some airplanes and have them spread the vaccine around."

"Aw, Spike.... can I beat someone up?" Jet asked.

"No," Spike said.

"But I wanted to beat someone up! I'm the tough guy!" Jet yelled.

"If you touch just one person, I'll kick your butt," Spike said.

"What should I do?" Electra asked.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," Spike said. "Now what're we gonna do?""EAT SPAGHETTI-OS!" Faye, Jet, and Electra shouted.

"Let's goooooooo!" Spike yelled. "Who Let The Dogs Out?" played as Spike, Faye, Jet, and Electra ran out of the room.

---

Meanwhile, Andy was riding around the city, looking for Vincent.

"Gotta find him... gotta pwn him... gotta be better than Spike," Andy chanted to himself. Just then, he spotted Vincent, pushing his way through a large crowd that had gathered to watch the parade. "There he is!"

Onyx galloped down into the crowd, causing the people to scatter as the horse made its way through the crowded streets.

"Okay, Vincent, I see... wait, no I don't," Andy said. Vincent had disappeared into thin air. "I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT!"

---

Spike flew the Swordfish down above the crowded city as the misguided military fired on him.

"Why does the military always want to go after the hero?" Spike asked. "First the Hulk, and now me. I'm starting to think we really should blame America."

Spike facefaulted.

"Why did that happen?" Spike yelled.

---

Meanwhile, at an airplane rental center...

"I need a plane," Jet said.

"Sorry, but we just gave our last one to this weird Middle Eastern fella," said an old man at the desk. "Well, our last good one, anyway. But we have lots of old clunkers!"

"Hey, don't use that kind of language," Jet said. "You motherclunker."

"Clunk you!" the old man shouted. "Now, do you want a plane, or not?"

---

Meanwhile, Spike continued to avoid the military.

"DARN THESE GUYS!" Spike yelled. "I need some help..."

No help came. Spike narrowly avoided being shot down three times.

---

Meanwhile, back at the airplane place...

"Here ya go," the old man said. "A fleet of old clunkers."

Fifty crotchety old men ran up to the clunkers and hopped inside.

"Oh geez, I feel like I'm stuck in a scene from Grumpy Old Men," Jet said.

"Clunk you!" the old man shouted. The fifty planes took off and flew toward the city.

---

"I need help, I need help, I need help!" Spike shouted as the military continued to chase him. "They're going to shoot me down! I don't want to die! Wait, yes I do. But still..."

Just then, help arrived in the form of the fifty old clunkers that had taken off from the air rental center a few minutes earlier. Through some miracle that could only happen in the old planes shot down the new, technologically-advanced military space fighters, then flew off toward the city.

"We did it!" shouted an old man piloting one of the planes. "We showed those young whippersnappers!"

"You idiot, that was the military!" the second old man yelled. "We're gonna get arrested for treason!"

"Nah, we can just say we're senile," the third old man said. "Wait, we are senile! Sweet!"

"Cake is sweet," the first old man said. "Mmm... cake..."

---

Meanwhile, at the weather control place...

"Okay, stick it up!" Faye shouted, pointing her gun at the men who were seated at the consoles. The men turned around. One of them pointed.

"Hey, it's the chick from BondageNet!" the man shouted. "Oh man, you are so hot!"

"Wha?" Faye said, slightly stunned.

"Dude, it IS the chick!" another man said. "Oh, wow... hey, you like being tied up, right?"

"NO!" Faye shouted angrily. "Now, make it rain!"

"Dude, dude, dude," yet another man said, pointing at Faye. "Seriously, you are the hottest girl I've ever seen."

The man took out a pair of handcuffs.

"Could you, uh... put these on? Just for, you know, old times' sake," the man said.

"Grrr...." Faye growled.

"Could you autograph my duct tape?" the first man shouted, holding up a roll of it. "Please? Make it out to Jerry, please!"

Faye sighed.

"Could you just make it rain?" Faye asked. "I'll do whatever you want, just make it rain."

The men cheered.

---

Spike rode in a taxi. The heavy traffic caused by the parade slowed the taxi down to a crawl.

"C'mon, c'mon!" Spike yelled. "Just run over these people! Life is worth nothing to me!"

"Now now, I can't do that," the taxi driver said. "This isn't Grand Theft Auto, it's Cowboy Bebop. I mean, uh, it's real life."

Spike sighed. The fare counter in the front of the taxi had reached 25,000 wulongs and was going up, fast.

"This sucks," Spike said.

Suddenly, he spotted a huge, Eiffel Tower-shaped building with the word HALLOWEEN on it in flashing orange lights.

"That's it!" Spike shouted. "That's the bridge to Heaven!"

"No, that's The Big Lebowski," the taxi driver said. "Largest building on Mars. And-"

Spike ran out of the taxi and dashed toward the building.

"You gotta pay!" the taxi driver yelled. A large fleet of old planes, driven by the old men, flew overhead, dumping the vaccine all over the city. "Oh ew, now it's raining blood. That's disgusting."

---

Vincent stood on the observation deck of the giant tower.

"Time to end the world," Vincent said. "Then I can come back and shag Faye! Oh yeah, baby!"

"You'll do nothing of the sort," Spike said, entering the observation deck. "Except fight me."

Vincent smiled.

"I kicked your butt, Spike," Vincent said. "Don't you remember the monorail?"

"No, because I hit my head when I fell and completely forgot you giving me a purple-nurple, you shooting me, and... wait, I do remember! You're a bad man, Vincent!"

Vincent pointed out toward the street.

"See that pumpkin?" Vincent said. "When I press this button..."

Vincent pointed to a small detonation device that was currently strapped to his leg.

"Pumpkin goes boom, and everybody dies," Vincent said. "Pretty ingenious, huh?"

"I could think of a better way to end the world," Spike said. "And just to be fair, I'll do it with nanomachines. See, you just program a nanomachine to turn everything it touches into another nanomachine. Then, you set in on the ground. Within hours, everything in the world is a nanomachine! Isn't that cool?"

"Damn, why didn't I think of that?" Vincent asked. "Oh well. I'll kill you, then I'll steal your idea!"

"Go Go Cactus Man" began to play. Samurai Andy stepped into the room.

"Somebody call for a hero?" Andy asked. "Huh? Huh?"

"Andy, get out of here, you big doo-doo head," Spike said. "I've got this situation handled."

"Spike, you are a big retarded meanie poopyface!" Andy shouted. "You had your turn to fight Vincent, now I want mine!"

"You both already fought me, and I beat your butts," Vincent said. He took out his gun. Spike did the same.

"Hey, wait!" Andy shouted. "You guys have guns, and I only have a sword!"

Vincent and Spike both turned toward Andy and fired all of their bullets. Andy blocked all of them with his sword. Vincent and Spike dropped their guns.

"See?" Andy said. "Swords are way better anyway. But since I'm a fair cowboy..."

Andy dropped his sword. The three men all rushed at each other and began wildly throwing punches and kicks. Outside, it began to rain.

"You... hurt Faye!" Andy shouted, punching Vincent in the face.

"You... hurt my feelings!" Spike yelled, punching Andy in the ribs.

"You... hurt my pride by making a better plan to end the world than I did!" Vincent yelled, punching Spike in the groin. Spike doubled over.

"Hey, that was cheap," Andy said. "But since you did it to Spike, I'm okay."

Andy kicked Vincent in the head, knocking him down. Spike got up and tackled Andy to the ground. Vincent stood up and jumped on top of Andy and Spike, scratching at them with his creepy fingernails. Andy rolled over and kicked both Spike and Vincent off of him. Spike rolled over and kicked Vincent in the ankle, sending him crashing to the ground, face-first.

"Looks like I'll have to play dirty," Vincent said. He reached down into his pocket.

"Ew, he's playing pocket pool now!" Spike shouted.

"That's disgusting," Andy said, shaking his head. "Sick freak."

Vincent pulled a small, blue marble out of his pocket."He played with himself so much it fell off!" Andy yelled in disgust. "And it's blue! That's gross!"

"Andy, you idiot, it's not... LOOK OUT!" Spike shouted as Vincent hurled the marble to the ground, shattering it and spreading the deadly virus around the room. Spike began to cough and sneeze, while Andy just stood there. He began to laugh.

"Ha ha!" Andy shouted. "Faye gave me the vaccine, so I'm just fine!"

"Faye... gave you the what?" Vincent asked.

"Faye escaped all by herself!" Andy shouted. "She's too tough to be your love slave, you sick freak! She's a beautiful, smart, and tough little lady, and I love her!"

"Shut up, Cowboy Andy," Spike said, coughing and sputtering. "Uh-guh-buh-buh-guh-guh-guh-buh-guh-buh-buh-guh-buh-guh-buh-buh-guh!"

"I'm a samurai!" Andy shouted. "Samurai!"

Spike began convulsing on the ground.

"I see... butterflies..." Spike said. "Damn, guess I popped too many of those pills that Rashid gave me."

"Nope, that's the virus," Vincent said. "Butterflies are so cute, so I added them as a little side effect. Cool, huh?"

Vincent bent down and picked up the detonator. He pressed the button, blowing it up and spreading the deadly virus all over the city.

"Ha!" Vincent shouted. "It's the end of the world! I did it!"

"I don't care... I'll finally be free..." Spike said.

"Eh?" Vincent asked.

"Don't you know?" Spike asked. "When you... die... you're finally free. Dying kicks ass, man."

"Wha?" Vincent shouted. "No fair, I wanna die too!"

"Look, if you guys are going to commit joint suicide, I don't want any part of it," Andy said, turning toward the door. "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

Andy left. As he did, Electra walked in.

"What are you guys doing?" Electra asked, pointing her gun at Vincent. "And Spike! Oh no!"

"Don't worry, Electra," Spike said. "I want to die now! Dying is cool!"

"It's not fair," Vincent said, starting to cry. "I want to die so bad, but Spike's the only one who gets to..."

"I can fix that, Vincy-baby," Electra said. She shot Vincent in the head, killing him instantly.

"Hey... he gets to die first?" Spike asked. "No fair!"

Spike stood up.

"What the fudge?" Spike asked. "I'm fine!"

"Yeah, looks like the vaccine spread through the city pretty quick," Electra said. "You're cured, Spike."

"No fair!" Spike yelled. "I wanna die too!"

A puzzled look crossed Spike's face.

"And what did you mean by... Vincy-baby?" Spike asked.

"Oh, that. Well, you see... I fell in love with Vincent again. He's a rebel!" Electra said.

Electra smiled.

"Welp, guess I'd better get back to Steve," Electra said. "Since Vincent's dead, I need a new boyfriend. And Steve is such a sexy man. Almost as sexy as Vincent! Welp, see ya!"

Electra left.

"I didn't die... and Electra's not going out with me..." Spike said, stumbling toward the door. "And I missed my soaps."

"Wait...." Vincent said, starting to sit up. "Spiiiiiiike..."

"You're not dead?" Spike asked, turning around.

"I'm going to die, but before... before I do... I have to tell you something important.... Spike... I am.... your third cousin, twice-removed."

Vincent died.

"Well, I guess he sorta beared some resemblance to...."

Spike looked up at the sky in disbelief.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Spike shouted.

---

Meanwhile, Jet and Faye drove their space fighters back toward the Bebop.

"So you said you were going to let them tie you up, and then you kicked them in the nuts and ran?" Jet asked. "That was deceptive, Faye. You're grounded.

"Hey, at least I saved the world," Faye said. "What did you do today that was so important?'

"I saw a western movie at the drive-in," Jet said. "It was a damn good one, too."

"I beat Spike and Vincent!" Andy said, perched on top of the Redtail.

"No you didn't," Faye said. "You're just a stupid, stinky samurai."

"Hey, she got it right!" Andy said. "YES!"

---

__

He was always alone, playing with himself. It's fun to play with yourself. Especially when you're alone.

Man, I can't believe he was my third cousin, twice-removed. That was a real shocker.

roll end credits

__

Sappiness is just a world to me

I'd rather read an angsty story where the hero dies anyway

This damn fic is just a parody

And a pretty lousy one at that, except for the Rashid parts

Always making fun of current events

By slamming Middle Easterns, man that is kinda racist

But it's good to laugh when there's

A war going on in Iraq... oh wait, it's over?

The more I read

The madder I get

The more I sit here on the Internet

When it rains, I get wet

Oh yeah

The more that I write

The more that it seems

I'll offend somebody someday

But I don't care

Gotta laugh a little harder

Gotta laugh a little harder

When you're reading my fanfics

Don't pee your pants

Faye just got a little hotter

Andy just got a little dumber

Wish that Spike would crawl into a

Den of fire ants

Oh yeah

Gotta laugh a little harder

Gotta laugh a little harder

When I'm writing these fanfics

My fingers cramp

Jet just got a little tougher

Ed just got a little weirder

I wish I didn't forget

That Ein exists

Oh yeah...

Gotta write a little longer

Gotta make people laugh harder

Gotta type a little faster...

Break my... compuuuuuter...

---

Andy is standing in a dingy apartment.

Old Woman: Andy, you're the only one that stands in his way.

Andy: What now? You don't make any sense!

Andy is walking down a rainy street. Thousands of angry-looking Vincents stand on either side of him.

Vincent: Mister Oniyate, you're back... we've missed you.

Faye is alone in a dark room, tied to a chair. Vincent walks up to her.

Vincent: This time, we're definately gonna shag, baby!

Faye screams. The scene switches to Edward, holding onto Applederry's head for dear life.

Edward: GIVE EDWARD'S NOSE BACK!

Applederry: I don't have it! It's just a game!

Jet: Got your nose!

Edward: leaps from Applederry to Jet

The scene switches to inside the Bebop.

Gabby: Andy, for God's sake don't jump into the Netrix again!

Faye: No, no, do it. Stupid stinky cowboy. giggles

Jet: Shut up, Faye.

Back to the rainy street. Andy and Vincent run at each other. They punch each other, causing both of them to fly back. The screen goes black.

Andy: Yee-haw! I love this stuff!

Faye: Give me a turn, Andy. I want to go back to my Netrix fantasy.

Scene switches to Spike and Faye, making out. Then, back to the Bebop.

Andy: Like that'll ever happen.

****

Cowboy Bebop: The Funniererer Session- Bebop Revolutions

__

Coming Winter 2003.


End file.
